Back Seat Sex Car Chase!

Took down lunch at Capriottis, bought new some threads at Guess in the Galleria mall, failed to get new shorts and failed to get new belt. Went by the bank, failed, it was closed. Went to get a hair cut, failed! I have come to the conclusion that I do NOT like Labor Day. Got back around 5pm, 1st time using a new maid and she did a pretty good job, my room is spotless, however she freaking washed my passport in my jeans! I laid it out to dry and it ended up being useable, but it doesn’t look pretty. Took a nap around 8pm, then munched on mass tacos at Pecos Tacos with Jacob and confusion was setting in about where to go for the night. I had a few friends at foundation room and RSD Ryan had a couple of friends at XS. Downed a cheap bottle of wine, a budlite and redbull, we were good to go. Fumbled around for a while and as we drove towards the strip, the decision would be XS since his friends were leaving the next day and I had never been to Encore before. Don’t worry, we will get to the Back Seat Sex Car Chase story in a minute.

We arrive at Encore

Parked on the top level of the parking garage, went down and met up with Alexis and we were inside XS. This place was amazing, I can’t beleive that I passed it up so many times. Huge club area with a missing wall that led outside into a big pool lounge area with multiple bars and table services. Alexis and Jacob did their thing and Ryan and I decided it was time to get loaded. Penny Slots? Yes, I’ve heard of this but the cocktails take forever, they jew you on drinks and it doesn’t seem like a very effective way to spend your time.

Ryan had a plan, he has done this before. We sit down, throw in a $20 and wait for a waitress. Its pennies.. but a minimum of a 40 cent bet. I play slow, very slow, down $3 and no waitress. These machines are the biggest rip and have the worse odds, I know my gambling, not the way to go. We flagged down a waitress, order 2 double redbull vodkas, and 2 shots of goose. She looks at us funny, says she isn’t allowed to bring multiple drinks. Ryan winks at her and explains that we will take care of her. She says okay and I continue to play some more crappy slots at a rapid rate. Then BAM! I hit a big winner, something like 2,000 credits, machine goes CRAZY!!! Okay, so it was only $11 bucks, I cash out, the waitress is back pretty quick and we tip her the $11 and take down some big nasty shots and chug our redbull, its time for XS.

Walk back in, meet up with RSD Derrick and his friend B who are visiting town. Shoot the shit for a minute and then it was offer to mingle. Saw a few people I knew there, Josh, with his friend and their new girls, then ran into Paul, Pete, David and a few of their friends. I’m feeling a little buzzed, start talking strangers, girls from Ohio, Chicago, northern Cali, people from London, Germany, and Holland. As I’m typing this I’m thinking things would be much better if I had a photographer following me around, would get a lot more pictures. Given that, I did what I could.

A few hours went by, I needed more drinks. Grabbed Ryan and we went out to the casino to pull out penny slot showdown when we ended up getting distracted by a few groups of girls outside of the club. Ryan ended up falling for this little hottie blondie and I did my best to wing him. She had the friends of doom, 4 drunk girls that were not cute and eying the hell out of Ryan and “HottieBlondie”. He took her away to play blackjack and I did my best to distract them.

One girl “Pinky” was overly concerned about her friend and was laying into me like I was personally responsible for all of her childhood daddy issues and secretly in conspiracy to hide her friend. They came back and we all danced around for a few then they were ready to leave and there was no stopping them. The 5 of them were off and it was over, Ryan wouldn’t get his girl.

After all of that drama, I needed a drink, I turned to the bartender and waited.

RSD Ryan stood, face in palm shaking his head as his hopes for late night vegas debauchery were dragged into the night by the anti fun crusaders. “Run over there and grab Pinky” Ryan drunkinly commands. I observe the discouraging 100 yards precipice growing between us and Pinky. Whatever, I want a drink, her friends are bitches, and I would have to sprint for a good while just to catch up and even then, it will just cause more drama. The bartender asks what I want, I’m thinking New Castle, but …Fuck it, I won’t let this end without a fight!!

I charged through the casino, dodging drunks to tackle Pinky. Carrying Pinky back to the bar, H Blondie predictbly follows, obese crusaders trailing shortly behind. pick her up in the air and start walking her back to where we were. Oops, I broke all of Pinky’s cigaratess, oh well, lets find a lite. Ryan and HottieBlondie are no where to be found. The obese friends swarm and in a swirl of disgruntled jealousy whisk Pinky off, leaving Ryan and H Blondie behind. In true friend fashion, mission was accomplished though I’m left empty handed.

I go back to the bar, end up talking to this drunk girl and her entourage, one buys me a drink, its her birthday. She sits on my lap and we take our shots and I quickly learn she isn’t wearing any panties. Ryan and his girl return and they are making out. My new girl has bad breath.

I’m bored. Lets go.

Before we know it we are in the car and heading back to the house. I’m buzzing through traffic, 15 minute trip, and trying to avoid a slew of cops. All is in the clear now, just cruising by while Ryan and his girl are going at it in the back seat. Hardcore. I’m laughing my ass off as she starts moaning like a porn star and Ryan as gives his best jack rabbit impression, her high heels in the air.

Honk, Honk. A group of guys in the car next to us excitely yell about the free show. I laugh with them, give ‘em the thumbs up and drive a little faster. A few minutes goes by and they are still going at it, drunkenly hanging out the windows yelling . Fucking idiots… The house isn’t far now, as I pull up to a red light. All of a sudden the back car door opens and you can hear them yelling as loud as day. The girl freaks out, I close the door as the light turns green. Not cool.

I go about 70 in the 40mph and try to lose them, they are following us like fast and the furious. Almost back to the house, I get to the final light and its red, I don’t want to stop again because I don’t know what will happen next, so I slow down and creep to the light so that the car is still moving. I notice there is no traffic at the light so fuck it, I floor it, run the light and speed down toward my street. It didn’t stay red long, they are on our tail again, I turn down my street and pull into my drive way while they pull up right next to us. What the fuck do these tools want. I get out of the car and tell them to get the fuck out of here. Lets us get some pussy ese! C’mon holmes, we wanna go next! RSD Ryan is working on getting the girl in the house.

They start talking shit and my dumb ass goes to the car is ready to fight all 6 of them. Who the fuck are you ese, we’ll fucking stab you. Then out of nowhere comes the girl banging on their car yelling madness. They are grabbing her by the arm and trying to pull her in the car as the other guys walk around from the other side. I full on bear hug her feisty ass and lift her into the air. She is struggling like a wet cat, my only focus is to get her in the house, we lock the door as the posse of drunk chodes continue to honk and yell in the street. After about 5 minutes they leave and peace is restored. Ryan and his girl disappear into one of the bedrooms and I make some resemblance of an omelet.

I guess it’s like they say… ’shit happens when you party naked’